Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize