I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
