Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
birth control should be required to get into college
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
