No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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