I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
