Im at strip club and am horny
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize