so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
