If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
