Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
