we're blogging at a bar
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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