Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
