hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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