I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
