I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
