Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
