1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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