I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
