my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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