So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone came in the potted fern
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
