she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
