Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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