I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
