it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
