Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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