she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
