I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
