don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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