somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
