It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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