just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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