at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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