Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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