By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
