did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
