I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
