Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
