YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if only i could text you this smell
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
