I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
