guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
