Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
