I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
