look no pants
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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