I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
