false alarm. still invincible.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
