why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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