I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
