I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
