apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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