My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
