What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
