A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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