You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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