Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize