Got a toothbrush?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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