it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
