But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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