WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
