LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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