what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize