I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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