My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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