i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize