i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
