Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
