I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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