lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
