This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
