just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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