Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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