Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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