too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
