When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize