Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
