he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
there is glitter all over my balls
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
