In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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