Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
