we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
