You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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