Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
