State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
