He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
