apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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