The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Small penises have feelings too.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
