I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
