she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
