I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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