Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
