Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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