So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
