ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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