I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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