I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize