We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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