It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
