I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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