thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
