the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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