I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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