I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
