But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
