Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
