He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
