when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
