ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
